Websters Defines a Wedding as . . .

2015 was a heck of year, wasn’t it? FOX discontinued production of The Simpsons DVDs, a Ned Flanders-themed metal band took the world by storm, Alex Rocco passed away, and a mature Joe Piscopo honored his friend Eddie Murphy at the Kennedy Center’s annual Mark Twain Prize ceremonies.

And!, this blog’s “mother” and I decided to get get married. Diana had proposed to me a year earlier on our fifth anniversary while I was doped up on pain meds following kidney stone surgery. She’d bought us matching patch-jackets in lieu of rings, we were watching Gone With the Wind, romance was in the air, and I said yes.

It was October 17th, the sixth anniversary (+1 day) of our first date. Friends and family came from as far away as Buffalo, New York (home of the football team that nearly cost Homer Lisa’s love) to witness our union, and in our imaginations the entire town of Springfield were celebrating along with us.

I’ve mentioned before that The Simpsons is part of our “couple’s language” and the way we like to have fun. When organizing the biggest event of our life together, it was natural we’d include The Simpsons in some ways. At the same time we didn’t want the ceremony to become a complete in-joke only five guests and us would fully understand, so we kept the touches subtle save for a few big moments we really wanted to hit.

Bachelor / Bachelorette parties:


JRC took his guys bowling.

suicide again for me!

The team that supports each other!

The Big Day!:


The program & wedding favors
A trove of references

Our vows: We unironically quoted Poochie, Smithers, and of course Homer and Marge. We’re not sure how many people caught it, but it meant a lot to us.


The Best Man & Groomsman
Finally shirts good enough to be married in!

D'oh Go Arigato, Team Groom!

D’oh Go Arigato, Team Groom!

Senator Homer

We looked and felt like a ten-thousand dollars!

Cufflinks to make the suit!


Starting a new tradition

Homer's Pig Cufflinks

Our rings:


forged in secret by twelfth degree Stonecutters

Yes, that is a Stonecutters ring.

The walk back down the aisle:


We had everyone chant “USA!”
It was the best feeling in the world.


U-S-A! U-S-A-! U-S-A!

Not pictured, but JRC got chef Liam from The Coronado to prepare Nachos Flanders-style, a dish which Diana always wants to serve at Trivia Night, but JRC rejects in favor of foods that are “appetizing” and “edible.” It was actually not bad!

Nachos Flanders Style

Nachos Flanders-style!

We got our favorite food, hoagies (subs, grinders, foot-long heroes) from our favorite sandwich shop, Phoenix’s Cheese-N-Stuff:

I'll give it a good home.

Geez, we hardly made a dent in that 10-foot hoagie.

Geez, we hardly made a dent in that 1 0-foot hoagie.

No one got sick, or went home with leftovers



Strangely, the base insist they stand with opposite hands up?

Made by the awesome people at Treehouse Bakery,
our cake:


This was entirely Diana’s idea
which I whole heartedly agreed with ~JRC

Whale of a Wife

Advice from a father-figure:
JRC’s father passed away many years ago, so Diana got a friend to memorize and give JRC the advice Abe Simpson gives Homer on his wedding day, as depicted in Time Toaster:

"If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything, because even the slightest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine."

“If you ever travel back in time, don’t step on anything, because even the slightest change can alter the future in ways you can’t imagine.”

Some of the gifts we got:

The Weeding of the Century!

The Weeding of the Century!


Our friends know us well.

Drawing by Tommy Cannon, creator of Fred the Mustard Packet.

Highlights from the honeymoon:
At the Flagstaff Pioneer Museum:

cup and ball hog

Don’t be a cup and ball hog!

don't be a cup n ball hog!

You never know which way
this crazy ball’s going to go!



Turns out the red rocks of Sedona are really more of a burgundy.

Later reports indicate the bull killed him

It’s some sort of Land Cow

later reports indicate the bull killed him.

We embiggened our life with love and marriage.

Thank you to our friends and loved ones who witnessed our wedding, and to The Simpsons, who helped bring us together!

About OneWordLong

I'm a storytelling artist and writer. I make collage, transmedia art projects, write essays and cultural analysis. In addition to onewordlong.com I also co-curate FLIMSpringfield.net
This entry was posted in Cultural Impact, food, Love, Marriage, Romance, The Simpsons and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Websters Defines a Wedding as . . .

  1. Dunk says:

    That was fun to read! 🙂 Congratulations!


  2. Helen says:

    What a great find! I just loved this, made my day 😁


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